It seems like everything has changed in Korea now that my Dad is gone. I feel that the Korea, that I know in my heart, is stuck in this dark, cold winter night where there's no sign of the coming morning or spring.
...I miss him.
...I'll miss him on my birthdays.
He always called me in the middle of the night on the day of my birthday to be the first one to say "Happy Birthday Jane!". Although Jake always beat him to it, I'd always say, "Nobody beat you again, Dad."
...I'll miss him when there is a hurricane in Florida. It didn't matter to him that I live in Joplin, Missouri. If he sees news about a hurricane in Florida, he would call me, and ask me to come back to Korea.
...I'll miss him when it snows, because he always had to go to work on snowy days.
...I'll miss him when I drink coffee, because his doctor forbid him to drink coffee since he became ill. And he always told me he'd love to have some. And I know he did. He's naughty.
...I'll miss him when I take pictures of my kids, he would ask me everyday for their pictures, because it encouraged him while he was in the hospital.
...I'll miss him when I eat delicious food. I'll miss him when I visit beautiful places. I'll miss him when spring finally comes.
I will miss him everyday.
At some point in our lives, we all face an unbearable longing for someone who was so dear to our heart. Sometimes we cry, sometimes we stay in bed all day, and sometimes we eat chocolate cake.
we try everything we can, but we all know that there's only one thing that works: coming to Jesus.
On the way to Korea, we were stuck in Denver, Colorado for a day. When our flight was delayed, I was desperate. I knew I'll miss my Dad's funeral and cremation ceremony. In the middle of the Denver international airport, I kneed down and cried. I cried out to God that please let me see my Dad for the last time, at least let me say good bye to him. I was asking God to do something supernatural.
But Jesus spoke to me.
"Follow me, and allow the dead to bury their own dead." (Matthew 8:22)
God didn't answer my prayer the way I planned;) Not that He can't do a miracle, but He did answer my prayer in His own, much wiser way. He gave me the peace of God which surpasses all understanding.
I still miss my Dad very much. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I hide myself under a blanket and cry again, and sometimes I eat chocolate ice cream on top of chocolate cake that is covered with more chocolate than you can ever imagine.
But I know what Jesus wants for me. He wants me to trust in Him, and to rejoice in His salvation.
So, if there's anybody who's going through the unbearable longing for someone who was very dear to your heart. Come to Jesus with me....and maybe share a piece or two of triple chocolate cake afterwards?
"But I have trusted in Your loving kindness; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation." (Psalm 13:5)
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