The Family Man

Morning comes too soon. Jake and I have been taking turns hitting the snooze button on the alarm for the last 30 minutes. It must be time to get up now. I think it's just the mental thing we do, setting up the alarm 30 minutes before the time that we are suppose to wake up. When you push the snooze button, you feel this sense of satisfaction in the depths of your soul, 'we have 30 more minutes...' Sometimes, Jake accidently turns off the alarm...and...you know...

Jake takes a shower, sometimes he sings while he showers, puts his contacts on, shaves, fixes his hair, gets dressed for the day, and then he's ready. Pretty simple guy. Eats his breakfast, grabs his lunch bag, prays with his wife, kisses her for 5 minutes or more, and after his wife reminds him that he needs to go now, he gives his wife puppy dog eyes and ask for one last kiss, then his wife pats him on his buttski, he kisses all of his three children, prays over them and his household, and then he's off to work.

Jake is an awesome husband and father. He tries his best. He loves his family, and I know how much he wants to give to his family. Like he always sings to his daughter, "I love you, I would catch a star for you..."
Watching him this morning, tying his shoes, zipping up his jacket, breathing deeply to pump himself up like Rocky so that he can face this brutally cold morning scraping his car window, brought tears to my eyes, and memories of past four years of our journey flashed through my mind...When Jake decided to pursue becoming a physician back in the winter of 2010, we knew it wasn't going to be an easy road. There were many times he would ask me, "dear, do you think I'm crazy?"
Although I always told him, "No, dear, you are not crazy, this world is crazy." sometimes I thought, well...he just might be...


Through all the ups and downs, he would say, "We are almost there, just follow me."
Through all the valleys, he would say, "Have faith in the Lord, I love you, Jane."
This guy would not give up! I often asked him, "How do you do this?"
But I do remember some nights, when we all are in bed, in deep sleep. I roll over to hold Jake, and he's not there. I find him sitting at the kitchen table....playing angry birds...just kidding;), he's usually praying...and I realize...

This family man too, is scared...
This family man too, gets weary...

I do not fully know or understand what is it like to be a leader of a family; I do not  know what it is like to be looked up to as a hero by these little children; I do not know what is it like to go to work every morning, even though there is a state wide winter storm warning; I do not know what is it like to be the one who takes the trash out in their pjs when it is 5 degrees outside in the middle of winter...I will never truly know and understand what my husband is going through as a leader, husband, and a father. But I do know that he's not as tough as he seems inside. This family man is trying his very best to not put his eyes on his family, because he knows that once he puts his eyes on his family, he does starts to worry, and he does begin to get weary...

There are many family men who are scared and weary because they want to do so much for their families...and I am praying for them tonight, especially for mine:)

I know this world pressures them to raise their standard of living higher and higher for their family, I know this world tempts them to take it easy on following Christ and settling down for their family.
I know this world blinds them with responsibilities of providing for their family, so that they can not see the hope of  the coming of Christ.

"Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:2
Yes, This Christ who endured the cross, despising the shame, and is sitting down at the right hand of the throne of God is coming back! How glorious that day will be!
I'm slapping Jake's buttski as hard as I can with joy tonight! You can do it!

Go get them, Tiger!

Kimbap

                                                                                                                                                 Kimbap
 It was my favorite thing my Mom made when I was growing up.
Whenever my Mom made Kimbap, I could hardly wait for her to finish making it, I often hung around the kitchen, asking Mom many questions. "Is it done?", "when is it going to be done?", "Can I help you, so it will be done faster?" But my Mom always said, "It's almost done." It was frustrating to me when she says that because that was what she told me 30 minutes ago.


Now whenever I make Kimbap, my children would hang around the kitchen, asking me the same questions that I used to ask my Mom, and I would always say, "It's almost done." :)
And I know now, 'it's almost done.' really means 'It's done when I say it's done, so don't ask me again.'
Oh, the things you find out when you become a Mom.


Making Kimbap is a lot of work. But the work cannot be compared to the precious smiles you get from your children. Seeing my precious children eating well, warms my heart, and gets me rolling up my sleeves again. I can do this!


Ingredients
(makes 5 rolls)

4 cups cooked rice (good quality, short grain rice)
10 sheets of seaweed (nori)
1 carrot, julienne cut.
1/2 cucumber, halved and seeded, and cut it into 5 thin strips (pat it dry with paper towels)
5 imitation crab sticks
1/2 can of spam cut into 1/4-1/2 inch strips
5 long strips of pickled radish (optional)
6 large eggs (beaten)

To season the rice:
1 TBSP sesame seed oil
1 TBSP sesame seed
1 tsp salt

1. Season the rice when it is hot, mix well, and cover it with a damp towel.

 

2. Pour beaten eggs over a greased pan so that it covers the bottom of the pan in a thin layer.

Cook both sides  (just like a pancake).

(I usually cook the eggs and cut into pieces, but today I'm using the whole piece to wrap all the ingredients.)

3. Cook julienned carrots in a greased pan for two minutes.

 4. Fry spam in oil until it's lightly cooked.

 

5. On a sheet of seaweed, place the thin layer of cooked egg, and then place the prepared ingredients.

 

6. Roll up the ingredients.

 

7. On a separate sheet of seaweed, spread the rice.

 

8. Place rolled up ingredients on the rice.

 

9. Roll up all together, and use the bamboo mat to press it evenly.

 10. Viola! your first Kimbap roll is done! I usually lightly rub the seaweed wrapper with sesame seed oil to finish it off.

11. cut it into small pieces (when cutting the roll, rub sesame seed oil on both sides of your knife for easier slicing). Now plate it, serve it, and watch your children and husband devour it...it is worth it;)

 

 

 

 

 

Follow Me

It has been 68 days since my Dad had passed away. It's not that I'm counting the days or anything, but the luggage that I took to Korea is still sitting there under the bed and it is reminding me...'It's time to let him go.'


It seems like everything has changed in Korea now that my Dad is gone. I feel that the Korea, that I know in my heart, is stuck in this dark, cold winter night where there's no sign of the coming morning or spring.


...I miss him.


...I'll miss him on my birthdays.
He always called me in the middle of the night on the day of my birthday to be the first one to say "Happy Birthday Jane!". Although Jake always beat him to it, I'd always say, "Nobody beat you again, Dad."
...I'll miss him when there is a hurricane in Florida. It didn't matter to him that I live in Joplin, Missouri. If he sees news about a hurricane in Florida, he would call me, and ask me to come back to Korea.
...I'll miss him when it snows, because he always had to go to work on snowy days.
...I'll miss him when I drink coffee, because his doctor forbid him to drink coffee since he became ill. And he always told me he'd love to have some. And I know he did. He's naughty.
...I'll miss him when I take pictures of my kids, he would ask me everyday for their pictures, because it encouraged him while he was in the hospital.


...I'll miss him when I eat delicious food. I'll miss him when I visit beautiful places. I'll miss him when spring finally comes.
I will miss him everyday.


At some point in our lives, we all face an unbearable longing for someone who was so dear to our heart. Sometimes we cry, sometimes we stay in bed all day, and sometimes we eat chocolate cake.
we try everything we can, but we all know that there's only one thing that works: coming to Jesus.

On the way to Korea, we were stuck in Denver, Colorado for a day. When our flight was delayed, I was desperate. I knew I'll miss my Dad's funeral and cremation ceremony. In the middle of the Denver international airport, I kneed down and cried. I cried out to God that please let me see my Dad for the last time, at least let me say good bye to him. I was asking God to do something supernatural.


But Jesus spoke to me.
 "Follow me, and allow the dead to bury their own dead." (Matthew 8:22)


God didn't answer my prayer the way I planned;) Not that He can't do a miracle, but He did answer my prayer in His own, much wiser way. He gave me the peace of God which surpasses all understanding.


I still miss my Dad very much. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I hide myself under a blanket and cry again, and sometimes I eat chocolate ice cream on top of chocolate cake that is covered with more chocolate than you can ever imagine.
But I know what Jesus wants for me. He wants me to trust in Him, and to rejoice in His salvation.
So, if there's anybody who's going through the unbearable longing for someone who was very dear to your heart. Come to Jesus with me....and maybe share a piece or two of triple chocolate cake afterwards?


"But I have trusted in Your loving kindness; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation." (Psalm 13:5)



Louisiana shrimp boil

photo by Jimmy Myung gu Kang

     Louisiana Shrimp Boil

Happy weekend everybody!

I wanted to introduce to you, my friend Jimmy's all time favorite dish, the Louisiana Shrimp Boil. My husband and I love having him come over for dinner, and when he comes, we feed him as fast as we can, so we can use his expertise to fix our computers or any other electronics in our house. He's a computer genius. So here's for you, Jimmy, and for all of you who want a little getaway this weekend.

Ingredients

10 red potatoes

8 corn on the cob

1 bag of large shrimp (uncooked)

1lb Mussels 

1lb Crawfish 

1 kielbasa sausage (cut into 1 inch pieces)

1 bag of Zatarain's shrimp boil seasoning

3 Lemons quartered (1lemon in the pot, and two other for use after it's done)

5TBSP salt

1/2 onion

Fill pot about 2/3 full of water

Direction

1. In a large pot, put potatoes on the bottom, corn, sausage, 1/2 onion, 1 quartered lemon, seasoning bag, and salt, and pour water. Bring to rolling boiling.

2. when it starts to boil, cook for 15-20minutes, until potatoes cook through.

3. add crawfish, and cook for another 10 minutes.

4. add mussels cook it for 2 minutes.

5. turn the heat off, add shrimp, and soak it for 2 minutes or until the shrimp turns to pink.

6. drain. serve it on a big plate or as they do on the bayou, dump it all on top of some newspapers on a table, then dig in! put 2 quartered lemons on top, and garnish with parsley as desired.
**since we live in the Midwest, it's hard to get fresh seafood ingredients, so I used frozen seafood. I know it won't taste the same as fresh seafood, but I hope you enjoy a little taste of Louisiana this weekend;)

Mission Impossible

Dishwasher loaded. Checked.
Kids in bed. Checked.
Husband's belly rubbed, and zoned out in front of the TV. Checked.

It's almost like another Mission Impossible sequel every night. I'm tiptoeing around the house, Jake and I are using emphatic hand motions to communicate. And at this point, making a cup of hot lemon tea without making a single noise seems harder than following my Mom's most complicated kimchi recipe, since all the measuring was done by a 'little bit of this' and 'little bit of that'.
But I am very determined to make it tonight; it was long day. And I know that the first sip of hot lemon tea will do it all. I know the first sip will kindly tell me, "I know what you went through today." Now I'm bringing my tea upstairs to my favorite spot in our place. My Bed. I gathered every single pillow in our house, and piled them around me. Surrounded by these pillows, deciding what I'm going to read tonight from a stacked up pile of books beside my bed, and then taking the first sip of my hot lemon tea. Mmm... It told me again. It never disappoints me. Total peace and quietness...is there anything better than this?
This is my comfort zone, and when I am in my comfort zone, nobody dare to bother me. Because I will hiss at you like a cat protecting its warm milk. "Hiss!-"

Not too long ago, a great opportunity to serve international students in a local college was presented to us. The task was pretty simple: transporting international students to Wal-mart every week. But I have to be honest, at first, I didn't think I could do it. It was way out of my comfort zone. After meeting with pastor, my husband being who he is, said "Yes, we can!".
He would make a great politician. With his great smile, and positive attitude, along with two thumbs up, and saying "Yes, we can!" "Yes, we can!" He could be the next president of the United States.
I stepped back, then slowly arched my back to a hissing position. I was getting ready to defend my self, and my territory. I don't think he noticed what he was about to get. He just was a happy lamb jumping  all over the green pasture. Poor little thing.

Fully loaded. About to fire. Then, my husband said something that made me ponder.

He said that he has been waiting for this kind of opportunity, and amazed at how God has been prepared us for this chance for service.

I put my claws back.

"Have I been sensitive to notice God's calling?"
When the opportunity was presented in front of us, I wasn't ready.
Since I have been walking in my flesh, my comfort zone, I couldn't hear when God called me.
How many times have I missed out on the blessing, because I chose to walk in flesh rather than in the spirit. How many times have I rejected Him when He wanted to come in to my daily life, and bless me. I've been trying to squeeze Him in to my schedule, instead of letting Him take charge of my daily life.

Getting out of my comfort zone is not something I like to do. But I learned that when I dwell in my comfort zone too long, I tend to forget where I am suppose to be.

Here I am, laying down on the bed, hearing my youngest son crying. I know I am not ready to get out of my bed. But I know where I need to be.
Feeling this supernatural power empowering me...here I go...one, two, three! I'm up!

Galatians 5:16 "I say then; Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh."

Two Questions.

One Sunday morning, our pastor asked two questions, “What has God given you, and what are you doing with them?”

The first question was easy to answer. There are so many things that God has blessed me with. But I have to admit that one thing has stuck out the most. That is…the fact that God has given me the three most beautiful children Noah, Raine, and Samuel (who’ll be here in 6 weeks!).

But the second question, I could not answer right away. I almost pretended that I didn’t hear the second question. After denying, denying, and denying… Ooh…I felt something really weird in my stomach, and seconds later, I felt that weird thing, you’d probably call that weird thing the ‘guilt’, coming up to my throat, and trying to open my mouth, so I can confess I haven’t used, or in this case, took care of what God has given me. I shut my mouth tight, and swallowed that weird thing.

Nobody noticed.

So the battle began…again.

After denying so many times, I finally said, “I speak Konglish (which is Korean-English), I can’t home school my kids!” You’d probably think, “What does that guilt have to do with homeschooling?”

You see, homeschooling has been on both me and my husband’s minds since I was pregnant with our first son, Noah. But I guess I was just worried too much about other little things…like my English.

I’m a Mom whose first language is Korean, and I am still learning so much about English. I still can’t say the word ‘squirrel’, so I say, “Hey, Noah! Look! There’s a thingy thingy one a tree!”  I still struggle reading Dr. Seuss’s ‘Fox in Socks’ book, and I’m scared to death, when my son picks that book for his bedtime story.

I guess my biggest fear was that one day my children will talk like me. Horrifying!  

On top of that, I know my Mom thinks that I’m just going to make her grandchildren suffer, and ruin her precious grandchildren’s life. And I know that every time I call her, she’s going to tell me to free her grandchildren, but I think…this is what I’m called to do; making my children the disciples of Jesus Christ.

So we started homeschooling.

It’s been 3 weeks, and surprisingly, it’s going really well! There are times when it’s very challenging because of my lack of patients, but I have to say that it’s been a blessing to our family! And of course, I don’t have to swallow the guilt to that second question anymore. :)

So I’m asking for your favor for our family. Please pray for us and with us for our journey of homeschooling. We need your prayer, because like my pastor said tonight at evening service, home is the first place where Satan will creep into.

Will I ever?...

Here I am, eating a big piece of thick white frosting covered cake, drinking a cup of decaffeinated green tea, and typing in Google search engine for one last time…‘How to be a better mom.’

It is two o’clock in the afternoon, both my kids taking a nap, days like today, I should be laying down taking a nap too to prepare for second half of my day, but I guess it is a guilt that let me eating this evil, probably 1000 calories per piece but looking so innocent piece of cake at 31 weeks of pregnancy. I well know that I have a doctor’s appointment next week, and he’s probably going to say, “Everything looks good! ...your weight looks…ok…” Risking all this, the reason why I still can’t resist this innocent 1000 calories is that the way I talked to my son this morning.

My son has been sick, and has been on antibiotics for a week now. No matter how long he’s been on this medicine, it never gets easier making him to take this. I tried to be a fun mom, so I made an airplane sound to feed my son, and ended up spilling half of the meds on my pants. My son started to laugh. I don’t know what was so funny, but he was laughing so hard, I thought he was not breathing. Watching him laugh this hilariously made me think, ‘He planned it all.’ He was still laughing. It was a teasing laugh, and he meant it.

I tried to be calm, but I couldn’t help it. I said to my son, “It’s not funny, Noah.” Well…it was more like, “It’s not funny, Noah!” with both my hands squeezed tight, dropped down to the side like an upset 4 year old.

 One time I read, how we as parents, need to be more responsible in the words we speak, how we treat others, and  our attitudes in front of our children when we face many different circumstances on a daily basis.

Because our children are watching, observing, and learning from us…GULP…

When my husband came home for lunch, my son ran to him, and told him how funny that was to hear me saying that. Both were laughing hilariously, I of course, was mad, and didn’t want to talk to them.

There are so many ladies at our Church I just admire so much. I see how they are with their children, how they are in the words they speak, how they speak…And I wonder sometimes ‘Will I ever become like that?’

Remembering my attitude this morning, and watching my precious son sleeping like an angel made me realize that I don’t deserve this precious gift at all. But He trusted me and gave him to me… “Oh, Father…will I ever become like you?”

“But You, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abundant in loving kindness and truth.” Psalm 86:15