Will I ever?...

Here I am, eating a big piece of thick white frosting covered cake, drinking a cup of decaffeinated green tea, and typing in Google search engine for one last time…‘How to be a better mom.’

It is two o’clock in the afternoon, both my kids taking a nap, days like today, I should be laying down taking a nap too to prepare for second half of my day, but I guess it is a guilt that let me eating this evil, probably 1000 calories per piece but looking so innocent piece of cake at 31 weeks of pregnancy. I well know that I have a doctor’s appointment next week, and he’s probably going to say, “Everything looks good! ...your weight looks…ok…” Risking all this, the reason why I still can’t resist this innocent 1000 calories is that the way I talked to my son this morning.

My son has been sick, and has been on antibiotics for a week now. No matter how long he’s been on this medicine, it never gets easier making him to take this. I tried to be a fun mom, so I made an airplane sound to feed my son, and ended up spilling half of the meds on my pants. My son started to laugh. I don’t know what was so funny, but he was laughing so hard, I thought he was not breathing. Watching him laugh this hilariously made me think, ‘He planned it all.’ He was still laughing. It was a teasing laugh, and he meant it.

I tried to be calm, but I couldn’t help it. I said to my son, “It’s not funny, Noah.” Well…it was more like, “It’s not funny, Noah!” with both my hands squeezed tight, dropped down to the side like an upset 4 year old.

 One time I read, how we as parents, need to be more responsible in the words we speak, how we treat others, and  our attitudes in front of our children when we face many different circumstances on a daily basis.

Because our children are watching, observing, and learning from us…GULP…

When my husband came home for lunch, my son ran to him, and told him how funny that was to hear me saying that. Both were laughing hilariously, I of course, was mad, and didn’t want to talk to them.

There are so many ladies at our Church I just admire so much. I see how they are with their children, how they are in the words they speak, how they speak…And I wonder sometimes ‘Will I ever become like that?’

Remembering my attitude this morning, and watching my precious son sleeping like an angel made me realize that I don’t deserve this precious gift at all. But He trusted me and gave him to me… “Oh, Father…will I ever become like you?”

“But You, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abundant in loving kindness and truth.” Psalm 86:15