Will I ever?...

Here I am, eating a big piece of thick white frosting covered cake, drinking a cup of decaffeinated green tea, and typing in Google search engine for one last time…‘How to be a better mom.’

It is two o’clock in the afternoon, both my kids taking a nap, days like today, I should be laying down taking a nap too to prepare for second half of my day, but I guess it is a guilt that let me eating this evil, probably 1000 calories per piece but looking so innocent piece of cake at 31 weeks of pregnancy. I well know that I have a doctor’s appointment next week, and he’s probably going to say, “Everything looks good! ...your weight looks…ok…” Risking all this, the reason why I still can’t resist this innocent 1000 calories is that the way I talked to my son this morning.

My son has been sick, and has been on antibiotics for a week now. No matter how long he’s been on this medicine, it never gets easier making him to take this. I tried to be a fun mom, so I made an airplane sound to feed my son, and ended up spilling half of the meds on my pants. My son started to laugh. I don’t know what was so funny, but he was laughing so hard, I thought he was not breathing. Watching him laugh this hilariously made me think, ‘He planned it all.’ He was still laughing. It was a teasing laugh, and he meant it.

I tried to be calm, but I couldn’t help it. I said to my son, “It’s not funny, Noah.” Well…it was more like, “It’s not funny, Noah!” with both my hands squeezed tight, dropped down to the side like an upset 4 year old.

 One time I read, how we as parents, need to be more responsible in the words we speak, how we treat others, and  our attitudes in front of our children when we face many different circumstances on a daily basis.

Because our children are watching, observing, and learning from us…GULP…

When my husband came home for lunch, my son ran to him, and told him how funny that was to hear me saying that. Both were laughing hilariously, I of course, was mad, and didn’t want to talk to them.

There are so many ladies at our Church I just admire so much. I see how they are with their children, how they are in the words they speak, how they speak…And I wonder sometimes ‘Will I ever become like that?’

Remembering my attitude this morning, and watching my precious son sleeping like an angel made me realize that I don’t deserve this precious gift at all. But He trusted me and gave him to me… “Oh, Father…will I ever become like you?”

“But You, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abundant in loving kindness and truth.” Psalm 86:15

Bulgogi

Ingredients

Main ingredients

2 lb beef sirloin (thinly sliced)

1 onion (sliced a ½ inch wide)

1 Carrot (julienne cut)

Sauce

1/2 Asian (Korean) pear

1/2 onion

8 Tbsp soy sauce

6 Tbsp sugar

4 Tbsp chopped green onion

2 Tbsp minced garlic

2 Tbsp Sesame seed oil

2 Tbsp cooking rice wine

Pepper to taste

1. Thinly slice beef, about lunchmeat thickness. I recommend cutting the meat when it’s half frozen. Set aside.
2. Finely blend 1/2 onion, 1/2 Asian pear in a mixer to a thick sauce like consistency.
3. In a large bowl, add onion and pear mixture, soy sauce, sugar, green onion, garlic, sesame seed oil, rice wine, and pepper.
4. Add sliced onion and carrot to the meat, then pour the sauce over it. Mix and massage well. Marinate over an hour or for the best taste refrigerate overnight.
5. Cook marinated beef in a frying pan. Serve and enjoy!

* The best cut for bulgogi is rib eye or sirloin, but nicely marbled chuck roast works fine too, as long as the meat is thinly sliced and marinated well.

* Instead of Asian pear, sometimes I use a can of pear. If you are using a can of pear, use a half of both pear and the pear juice of 14oz can.

Every little thing...

 One very powerless morning, after picking up so many socks off the floor, after picking up my son’s very tiny little cars I often step on, after washing my daughter for the fifth time this morning. I was done. Oh, how much I was wishing that I was laying on the white sands of Pensacola beach, reading a book, I mean a real heartwarming novel, not a parenting book, having my ice tea with real honey still melting in the glass, full of ice, and two pieces of lemon on top…all by myself. I was day dreaming when I was washing my daughter. My daughter splashed on my face, and giggled. Major alarm -- 11:45am, it was almost time for our papa to come home for lunch. My son was staring at me all this time in front of the bathroom door, he didn’t say a word, but his 4 years old, ‘I’m a big boy’, eyes were surely telling me, “I guess we are having ramen noodles for lunch.”

As soon as my husband walked in, I had a meltdown. As soon as my husband gave me the sweetest kiss and a hug, and a just little but very caring question, “how was your morning?”, I couldn’t help but crying like my daughter, like when she had  her favorite snack taken away from her. It was desperate crying, death crying.  My husband, being the sweetest thing like he always have, let me rest till he goes back to work.

 My kitchen radio was still on, faithfully playing the nice Christian music like she always has; I just didn’t notice all this morning… she was still there. My husband turned the volume up and said, “Jane, I want you to listen to this song.” My faithful kitchen radio was playing ‘Do Everything’ by Steven Curtis Chapman.

 Have you ever laughed and cried so hard at the same time? Well, I have. It’s a very embarrassing thing, especially in front of your children.  But I didn’t care this time, because my Father told me something.

“I love you so very very much, Jane.”

Yes, He called my name.

 So here I go, knowing that every little thing I do for His glory brings a smile on my Father’s face, I hope this ‘little thing’ I do, sharing my humble recipes and my embarrassing moments with you, brings a smile to my Father’s face. Well, let me say that again. I hope it makes my Father laugh.

I hope He laughs so hard that He cries too.